Interpersonal counseling cases: from solitude come out

, case

One afternoon, a girls rush into the counseling room, looking very anxious.Emotional gENTle more her anguish tell: this time was very depressed, if we do not find someone to talk to, very worried about their own mental breakdown.Economic conditions at home can also be small is not lack of affection, concern.Relationships are not that bad, as long as they want to deal with, it is very easy, but just do not want them together, stay in school is a very painful thing.Feel not trusted the people around them, set before many of my classmates people, after a person, like to talk behind someone else's is not, it is false, so he has little heart, then tell others.Know how others will return with a smile, others smile, but do not want to do.I feel very lonely.

, problem analysis

of the case is brought about by poor interpersonal loneliness.Psychologists believe that alone is between"I" and"others","I" between environmENT and lack of communication and understanding a feel isolated, lonely heart is filled, lonely state of mind.Communication and her, I found the main reasons for causing her distress in the following areas:

(a) young people independENT awareness and the development of self-awareness of the psychological bias.Need to be very strong in the semi-mature go mature transition period, young people and people exchanges, to understand other people's inner world and other peers to accept, if such needs are not met, will feel the emptiness and loneliness.The same time, young people also face issues of identity, while they think his thoughts, many are reluctant to report the secret, there is a lockout psychological; the other hand, eager to be a real understanding of their own, can the soul, can not find in the case of this kind of"Salon" will be caught in the strong sense of loneliness, feel that they divide the world's existence, slowly becoming more and more withdrawn, reluctant to open their hearts to others.

(b) arrogant mENTality.Because I think their thinking is flexible, expressing ability, thinking of things in depth, there is a sense of superiority, so pretentious, lofty disdain of others, feeling that the man"vulgar" man"naive", then simply do not want to interact with others their own to live their lives, their own to engage in their own learning.However, when the face of setbacks, a person endure in silence, you will understand the pain can not find someone to talk to trust, loneliness wells.

suffered setbacks

(c) exchanges of experience, let her distrust of the people.ElemENTary school, because for some reason and good friend of conflict, simply ignore the others just kept studying hard in junior high school or thinking to pay some of my friends in high school, but learning and making friends does not take into account students increasingly alienated; classmates, roommates like to discuss someone else's in the back...These experiences make her feel the apathy and hypocrisy of the world, no longer trust others.

(d) there are some irrational belief.She felt differENT, dream of the future they will become an extraordinary person, which in itself is not wrong, in many cases people motivation.But she put some of the concept of absolute, over-confident thinking, she obtained the following conclusions:"My idea is unusual, I do not want to deal with the kind of naive people!" All learning nothing to do I will not do it!"so down, she chose to ignore the contacts of their own inner needs, the neglect of their emotional expression.She was too persistent belief in the hearts of"ordinary", while ignoring or even look down in front of all the ordinary.

, counseling policies and procedures

(a) unconditional positive attENTion to a student trust

in the consultation process, first of all, I used the humanistic"visitors", the main concern, listen, share to communicate with visitors.I collect information only when she found a trust in me, really heart open, be conducive to provide effective help; only through an active interest in order to enable studENTs to understand the root causes of their problems, find solutions to the problem, and thus be improved; also can relieve the loneliness of her heart.The case in the process of interpersonal communication, feel that others can not be trusted, never easy to talk to the people of inner troubles, emotions do not readily reveal the face, and she had told me, from life events gradually in-depth description of the view that she think of me as a trusted person, and the progress of the consultation is undoubtedly played a significant role.

(b) to explore the root of the problem, and guide their search for solutions to this problem

1.interpret, analyze, produce a sense of loneliness the reason

psychology tells us that studENTs in the life of this group in the school and other learning and activities, always engaged in the exchanges, the relationship between students learning for him (her), the future development of profound impact.A student in the interaction with the students to reach mutual understanding, communicate with each other, it can not establish normal relationships, and later took to the community, may also be unable to cooperate with others well.So while I let her enjoy the talk; the other hand, her current situation deeply understand the same time, her troubled psychological analysis and the analysis results back to her.It seems from her reflection, her analysis is very recognized.

2.encourage her courage to face their own problems, and appropriate to make some suggestions

get her full trust on the basis of, she and I discuss the relationship of interpersonal and personal developmENT, repeatedly stressed the importance of interpersonal communication, good interpersonal relationships is an important manifestation of the personal and social wisdom.And encouraged her to open their hearts to brave, open ourselves to let others into his inner world, their understanding, and help eliminate loneliness.For example, in how to deal with the others do not understand the problem, I gave her suggestions are: first to understand others do not understand! This is the first step in starting with me.Specifically, you can follow the following order to solve the problem: (1) recognize the reality that others do not understand, because it has a certain rationality; (2) as far as possible to understand why people do not understand; (3) take the easy to understand way to let others , allowed to understand.

3.change the perspective on loneliness

alone is not a 17-year-old unique feeling, but the inherENT and will accompany our lifetime a state.If a person did not alone is very difficult psychological depth.The so-called"ancient sages are lonely," said the sage able to use alone for deep thinking.To look at because the case is active thinking, has its own unique insights, guide the angle of the shift in thinking alone, correct understanding of the"lonely" experience alone has a positive meaning.So I encouraged her to train their own active use of alone time, develop other interests and talents, read some good books, and more to understand some to make himself real maturing experience.Thus, to some extent, let alone be sublimated, more fulfilling life; emotional sustenance, loneliness will gradually be replaced by self-happiness.

(3) their cognitive adjustmENT to help the reconstruction of the cognitive model

First we find out some irrational idea, inspired by the insights of her own the crux of the problem of irrational beliefs, in order to help their new understanding of self, to establish a rational cognitive model, to get rid of irrational beliefs on self- distress.Following consultation fragmENT:

S: teacher, I feel very bad, life was very repressed

T: what?

S: I think this world no one could understand me.

T: people do not understand you? example?

S: For example, other studENTs like to discuss the topic of gossip star like those little interest nor, I think they are naive, so much personal a whole day talking about this, and more superficial na! like some news, so often and they talk about a go.Sometimes I can be laughing and joking with them, but not from the heart, feeling that their own people, including heart out.

T: between you and the studENTs because of interest, hobbies, different, but often can not find the same topic, can not conduct in-depth exchanges.Over time, you get used to a person to bear all, because you think to tell them that they may not be able to understand you can understand the real thoughts of your heart.Can be understood?

S: less so.I am very interested in psychology is also clear that a person's childhood experiences have a huge impact.But my Family economic conditions can also be small is not lack of love.Why do I often feel lonely?

T: Has there been an unpleasant experience with classmates?

S: a child I had a very good friend, but because for some reason two of the contradictions, it gave me the damage is still quite large.Junior high school, bENT on reading, not his friends.L in high school some friends, but after thinking about cross-impact learning and the choice and they increasingly alienated.Also, some students like other students behind the scenes that is not hypocritical, I feel very hypocritical person to person.So now all learning things I do not want to do.

T: I can understand your feelings.Previously had some unpleasant experience indeed would be the people's psychological impact.If it was me, my heart is certainly having a hard time.However, what is hypocritical?"Duplicity" are hypocritical? There may be some reason to let some people can not Xinkouruyi?

S: this situation.

T: Not all people are so hypocritical? you just talked about, not many friends you had to pay because of some error or misunderstanding and let you all hold the same view, whether this not because prejudice is unfair to them? loss of opportunities to interact with like-minded people?

of S (thinking for a long time): Yes, maybe I missed a lot of people can become friends.

T: No person can be absolutely sincere? you think you can do?

S: I can not do.Yes, I can not do, so as to ask others.

T: You say you do not want to do things and learning, I have a question for you: What is learning? establish good relationships not a form of learning?

S: teacher, you say I know everything.But I do not want to change, I feel very difficult to change.

T: You do not change how you change? know their weaknesses and do not want to change is also to some extENT, you afraid of the difficult changes?

S (silENT for a moment): teacher, I understand some of the I will use today's new understanding to gradually change the original point of view, and strive so that they can mature.

effect thinking

After persuasion, the studENT said that after his back would get along with classmates, way to seriously reflect on, and realize that, in consultation with a number of things into practice as soon as possible to go from lonely out.

counseling in this case, psychological counseling has been further understanding, the following are my Thoughts and feelings:

(a) consulting relationship is the key to open the mind of the visitor

The

cases counseling can be smoothly conducted largely thanks to the good advice with visitors.Is actually very fragile, like her lack of trust in visitors a sense of psychological counseling began to establish a good advisory relationship will easily lead to the visitors defense psychological counseling at the beginning should be given her to understand and support in order to win her trust, she is willing to open their hearts to tell the inner emotions.

(b) to do the preparation of long-term counseling

visitors usually cumulative and not one or two counseling can be effective, such as in this case.Her psychological problems are often repeated, may be after one or two of counseling, a temporary solution, but because of the complexity of the problem itself, it is not possible so easily completely solved, so this need psychological counseling teachers to spare effort to allow such visitors continue to visit.

(c) the psychological impact of young people self-cENTered psychological and behavioral deviation is of concern

young people self-cENTered psychological easily lead to them with the vision of the"double standard" to look at others: they could not understand others."hypocrisy", and can not often total speaking truth; they want to others can understand, but can not tolerate someone else some substandard taste of things...to interact with this self-centered psychological, and often there will be some deviation psychology and behavior.Therefore, as a teacher to guide them not to think that others should do the standard too high too strict, the only thing we can do is make more of their own these requirements, tolerance of others more.In addition, I found that their problem is not just from their own, but also from the system around them, the parties will eventually have to return to real life, if they are determined to change their own, but may be due to a lack of ambient co-ordination has become very difficult, then how to do it? This is a question worth considering.

http://www.psychcn.com/enpsy/201202/10127861034.shtml

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